Saturday, June 26, 2010
Marriage at First Sight
At first my emotional response to this article was anger, how could they just choose a life partner for their child? These poor people were missing out on the opportunity to really fall in love, what if their soul mate showed up after their parents had already arranged a marriage? By the end of the article I had thought all of this over and realized these things aren’t realistic. So many people think they’re in love with their soul mate only to find themselves crying to their friends because they’ve been cheated on or dumped and can’t understand why. It’s sad that people are losing touch with their families, the people that care about them most and the only ones who have been there for them when they really needed someone. I agree with the modern arranged marriages, it’s pretty much dating with your family’s help. I am very close with my mom. At first I didn’t want to hear it when she didn’t agree with a relationship I was in, I think as a teenager I even went out of my way to date guys she would hate but now I realize she just wants me to be happy. She spent 13 years of her life in a miserable relationship, she has experience and she knows me better than I know myself. She told me how she felt about my ex once, she let me know that she was there for me and that was it. She never brought it up again. When we finally broke up she cried with me and told me how hard it was for her to accept something that she knew wasn’t right for me and how much she hated that I wasn’t happy but she knew I needed to figure it out for myself and that’s exactly what I did. I wish I could learn from other people’s mistakes but I can’t….It’s like I have to burn myself before I will believe it’s hot and even if a 100 people told me themselves I wouldn’t understand until I had the scar to prove it. I’m still that way the only difference is I’m more aware of it. When I get ready to date again I’m sure I will introduce the person to my mom and ask her what she thinks. It’s important to me that the person I spend the rest of my life with love my family. I wouldn’t let my mom arrange an old school marriage for me but I would def let her arrange a modern marriage.
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Hi Ashley,
ReplyDeleteI read Marcus' blog right before yours, and I think it's great that you both have such trusting relationships with your parents. I envy that. :) It's good that you recognize your tendency to ignore other people's advice. I would say, try to have an opend mind during this class, because there's some stuff that we're going to be talking about that's pretty hard to believe at first (like the article on cohabitation that we're going to be reading next time - I've read it a couiple times before, so I know), because there are myths that have become so accepted in our culture. But (try to) take it from someone who's been there - all you'll be missing is a lot of pain. I've ignored a lot of good advice just because it came from people who didn't present the facts to me. But data is hard to turn your back on. Everyone thinks they're the exception, but obviously, that's impossible.
Ashley, I absolutely respect your intitial feelings toward the arranged marriage ideal. For myself, I think it would be a tradition thats alot easier to accept, if you don't really know better. I commend those americanized Indians who still follow thier families way of marriage. I know it seems difficult to understand, but thats just what thier culture is used to.
ReplyDeleteNow, I too share alot with my mother. I have learned to accept what she says when we have a difference, such as partner selection. She has never guided me wrong, and she has always looked out for well being. If my mom has any problems with girl I've brought home, I pay attention, usually because I'm blinded(usually by lust) Mom just know better. I to would put all the trust in the world if it was her responsibility to find me wife. I know she wouldn't do harm by me.
Ashley, I can relate to ideas on family being the ones who know us well and have our best interest in mind. I look at my family and wonder why i would think it isn't okay to trust them in regards to dating. Maybe it was some young adult rebellion type of thing. I just didn't want to face the fact that someone really "knew" me. In hindsight it is very clear- the ones who my Mom didn't like weren't good for me, and the ones who she did like were. My family knows me. As far as utilizing their help and guidance in my courtship process, i feel i can make use of what they have to offer. They have been watching me longer than i have and as a result they do know a whole lot about me. Would i have them pick someone for me without my input? No. i appreciate my autonomy, but not to the point of closed mindedness.
ReplyDeleteWe have the same anger. I was angry to. The thought of someone/family/parent picking my partner is out of the question. Even in the modern arrangement, I wouldn't consider whether their opinion is valuble or not because they are not living with my choice. The part where you listen to parents because of their experience is also to be questioned because you have some parents that make some pretty bad choices in their own marriages. Taking advice is different, then way the circumstances. No one wants to be double angry if their choice is not the right one for you. Old school or modern, I would be skeptical. The opportunity to really fall in love, as you said, is a big deal in nowadays life. So you better pray for wisdom and understanding before stepping out there and keep and open mind.
ReplyDeletei dont think that our society is set up for arranged marriges women have to much to choose from in todays modern society there would be a big rebellion of women not wanting to marry the person their paerents arranged for them the same wiht men there are to may fish in the sea as my mama told me to want to get an arranged marrige and wiht how the media portrays marriges its not mnatural to be married before you fall in love
ReplyDeleteI think arranged marriages are worse than a failed marriage. In the article it said that those kind of marriages are judged a success not on pure happiness and love but on the success on the family around them. I also believe those 12 steps to a healthy relathionship are almost completely skipped. They just ignore modern society.
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